Familiarity Breeding Contempt

Lately it seems that the shortest path between two points is also the one most likely to have large construction vehicles blocking it.

-- segue --

Last week I had the pleasure of spending three days on the road with one of the owners of the company I work for. He's a nice enough guy, but he and I are different enough that prolonged exposure to each other like that tends to leave a rash. On both of us.

As an example -- you know the old question that people ask to determine what sort of person you are -- Rolling Stones or Beatles? I can only assume that you have been asked that before. And honestly, I don't judge you based on the answer to this question. (Oh, and I have this funny feeling that people are going to feel compelled to tell me their answer to this in comments. Which you are certainly welcome to do, but I won't think any differently about you no matter what your response is.) My answer and my boss's answer to this question are the same, and yet different in the most significant way. We both reply "It's an irrelevant question."

I think it's irrelevant because, although I appreciate the ground that was broken by both bands, ground well trod by bands that I currently love, I can't work up any enthusiasm about either one.

It's like asking me if I prefer tuna rolls or sashimi. I don't like either, so how could I possibly state a preference?

In his case, however, it is an irrelevant question because in essence for him the Beatles are the pinnacle, the Stones merely bit players. And he is the type of person who will state that the Beatles were the greatest band ever. Not formulating the statement as an opinion, but as a fact, implying that if you don't agree, it can probably be chalked up to brain damage.

Needless to say, I don't agree. And I find the implication elitist and arrogant.

Later in the week, we were talking about television shows. I think I have stated this before, but for sake of the recent arrivals, I don't watch a lot of television. I don't pass judgement on those who do, I just would rather not spend my time in an indefinite relationship with an entity that doesn't really care if I exist. The shows I follow (Lost, Dexter), I do so on my terms -- DVR, DVD what have you. The only television that I ever plan my life around is NFL football.

Yeah, I know that makes me a bit pathetic. I'll give you a holler the instant I care.

I watched the British version of The Office back in 2001 or so. Caught the whole series on DVD before the American version was ever even conceived of, as far as I know. But I have never been able to get into the American version. It isn't one of those "The original ruined it for me" kind of things. I think my big objection is that the show has just gone on way too long. What are they, in the sixth season? The British version was two seasons and gone. A beginning, middle, and end. I like that -- having an arc.

But that's beside the point. The point was that we were talking about The Office, and I was expressing to my boss that my daughter loves it, but I haven't been able to get into it. And that was when he told me categorically "Your daughter's not old enough to watch the Office."

I am amazed that I didn't double take or spit take or anything. I may have flinched, but don't know for sure.

See, there's nothing I like better in this world than someone questioning my parenting choices. Now, if my daughter were a psycho, a cutter, going to counseling, a goth-chick, on drugs, constantly getting in trouble in school, I might be looking for parenting advice from people who seem to have all the answers.

But in this case, my daughter is at least as well-adjusted as his. Possibly more so. So what makes him think that his declaration was welcome or helpful? As it turns out, we are not nearly as protective of our child as he is of his. His choice is a valid parenting option. But so is mine. The difference, when I talk about his choice, I don't state it as though it is definitively the wrong way to go.

Imagine for a moment if he had said "You let her watch that? Do you realize that they cover some pretty adult things on that show?" To which I might reply, "Yes, but she has a really good head on her shoulders. And it's kind of nice to be able to sort of control the rate at which she is exposed to things that eventually I will have no control over, and process those things with her."

At which point he might disagree. But do you see the difference in tone? It doesn't say "You're wrong" as much as it says "Wow, that's not a choice I would make."

His choice of words is not a choice that I would have made.