It

It has not been sleeping as well as it wants to. Consequently, it is tired -- sort of a low grade "it-doesn't-feel-quite-right" kind of thing.

This morning, until about 20 minutes ago, actually, it was very hungry. It didn't eat its breakfast. It was running late. As it pretty much always does on Mondays. So, it went to work having consumed only a few cups of coffee. At least it showered and brushed its teeth.

Still, it has no idea why it has decided to refer to itself in the third person -- or third obejct perhaps, as it is assigning no gender either.

Sources say, it has lost a bit of what constituted its mind.

Such as it is.

Five Quick Movie Reviews

Tideland, directed by Terry Gilliam

I don't live in a world where my movies need to be all Pollyanna-ish, but I am finding it harder and harder to like Terry Gilliam's movies.

I want to like them -- I like what I know about the guy -- but his movies are too frequently an exercise in the worst that humanity has to offer.

Tideland is a strange film in this context. It is ostensibly the story of a very resilient little girl living in impossible circumstances. The part that is problematic is that the circumstances that the little girl lives in are destined to destroy this resilience and, in the end, very possibly turn this little girl into one of the monsters she dwells among. I think that Terry Gilliam overestimates his subject's resilience.

Based on the introduction, an admonishment from Terry himself that many will not like this film, I assume that this is some sort of allegory for his own growth, and that it is meant to represent someone recovering his/her inner child after years of going through crap well beyong his/her maturity level. But this does not excuse much of the horrifying and disturbing pseudoreality that is on display here.

I think that the most disturbing aspect is that the film's position on the situation the girl is in seems almost to be a wink-and-nod approval. It does not tell us that little girls should not be preparing heroin needles for their parents or exploring feelings of physical love with adults. I assume we're supposed to fill these blanks in ourselves. But in involving a child, and not frowning on it, it crosses a line that should not be crossed.

********** (3/10)

Little Children, directed by Todd Field

I wanted to like this movie. I really did. I loved Todd Field's previous film, In The Bedroom. And in spots this was a well done film, but not often enough.

The acting was clunky at times, but only by certain of the players. (The main actors were facile enough.) But the presence of the voiceover narration was a bit too heavy handed. And it came across as a bit of a workshop in symbolism and theme.

When I am in the middle of a movie and I find myself thinking about the themes and symbolism, that tells me that they are both overshadowing the storytelling. And films should, in my opinion, be first and foremost a story telling device. I prefer to ruminate on theme and symbolism only after I have let the initial story wash over me. And this did not give me that opportunity.

********** (6/10)

Harsh Times, directed by David Ayer

This is a hard movie to like. The acting was amazing, but it leaves you feeling like you need a shower when you're done. And it makes you wonder how accurate the depiction of DEA agents and cops in general is. If it is, I'm pretty sure you can't trust anyone. Which is a pretty depressing view.

In the mix as well is that the story is not a classic tragedy, in which a great man is brought down via some fatal flaw, but the story of a highly flawed and damaged person completely self-destructing. Not saying that makes it a bad movie. It's actually empirically a very good movie. Just saying it's hard to like.

********** (6/10)

A Bridge Too Far, directed by Richard Attenborough

Aspects of this epic were terrific and aspects were dismal. Having read a bit of the history of the making of this film, it is a wonder that it holds together as well as it does, but the reality is that this is not a good representative of the type of film it is trying to be.

Casting was a particular issue for me. Ryan O'Neal had a bad case of over-actitis. Gene Hackman was suffering from an incongruous accent. And Robert Redford was a very pretty actor, but failed to convey the intestinal fortitude that the role he was playing demanded.

On the flip side, kudos to James Caan, Sean Connery, and Anthony Hopkins. I found these actors believeable in their roles and cared about their outcomes.

Overall, a good film, but trying to be too true to history, resulting in a film badly in need of more editing.

********** (6/10)

Battlefield Earth, directed by Roger Christian

You know what? This movie has been unfairly nailed by the media. Yeah, it isn't good, but it isn't completely awful either. Pretty much any sci-fi flick from the 70's is going to have a similar feel and a similar lack of logic -- but none of these were roasted as the second coming of satan.

I could be wrong, but I think that this movie was doomed from the moment that the L. Ron Hubbard / John Travolta connection was made. Although I think that scientology represents everything that is wrong with organized religion, and so it is as deserving of as much of my scorn as I can muster, it is wrong to destroy a movie because of unrelated BS.

So, as I said, this is not a good movie -- but it is a pretty good BAD movie, worthy of MST3K.

********** (4/10)

Pet Peeve Series #16: Disney-fication of Song Lyrics

A few years ago, Disney put out a movie called Sky High. It was a pretty forgettable film, in general, with a couple of notable exceptions... First, it had Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald of The Kids in the Hall in some pretty funny roles. Also the soundtrack was made up almost exclusively of remakes of songs from the 1980's.

Everybody Wants to Rule the World - originally by Tears for Fears
Save it for Later - originally by The English Beat
True - originally by Spandau Ballet
Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - originally by The Smiths
And She Was - originally by The Talking Heads
Just What I Needed - originally by The Cars
Voices Carry - originally by Til Tuesday (fronted by Aimee Mann)
Lies - originally by The Thompson Twins
One Thing Leads to Another - originally by The Fixx
I Melt With You - originally by Modern English

Okay, not exactly Sorbonne material here, but a pretty good tour of the music scene in the 80's. And these songs, in general, were somewhat bonded to me as I grew up. They are a part of my personality DNA.

The thing is -- this is a Disney movie. Which means that when the original lyrics might have maybe hinted that there might be something like sex going on in the world, or perhaps that drugs exist, rather than choosing another song, they simply do the Ed Sullivan Show thing and change the lyrics...

And this is how the Bowling for Soup version of I Melt With You has come to include the line

"Being friends with you was never second best" instead of "Making love to you was never second best." The line itself isn't that great, and if I hadn't grown up with it I probably wouldn't care. But I did. And I do.

Okay, my kids are going to see this movie. They're going to listen to this song. Do I want them exposed to this?

When they're too young, no I don't. But what is too young? Dunno. I am pretty sure I was exposed to the phrase "making love" when I was no older than seven. It didn't warp me or phase me. Mostly because I didn't know at the time what "making love" was. Sooner or later, they're going to find out. I did. You did. We all did. At least they aren't saying "[Beep]ing [beep] to you..."

And this isn't the only time I have noticed Disney (or Disney types) "fixing" songs that maybe they should just not be putting out there to their audience. Like when the Fame cast was performing Little Red Corvette by Prince. "I guess I must be dumb / Because I had a pocketful of horses / (Trojan) and some of them used" became "... because I had a pocketful of numbers / None of them had ever been used." Which took a pretty clever double entendre and rendered it stoopid.

I understand that the Jonas Brothers are remaking songs I grew up with, and no. I will not. I choose not to subject myself to that torture. At least Miley Cyrus is only destroying songs her no talent hack of a dad writes.

Was that harsh? Hey, these are peeves. And peeves aren't pretty, man!

Tom Cruise to Tom Arnold in 25 Years Flat

When I was in my teens, a friend of my mother's commented that she thought I looked like Tom Cruise. This would have been the "Risky Business" Tom Cruise, not the "Top Gun" Tom Cruise. I dunno. Maybe I did a little. I had sort of the same hair, I guess.

I also got compared to Clint Eastwood (which was pretty cool, if not completely delusional) and a guy named Jon Brandt who played bass for Cheap Trick for a bit. And then later I was compared with one of the guys in Faith No More -- but I don't remember which guy.

Nowadays, I don't get compared to any famous people -- which I attribute to two things. First, I don't really look like anyone famous. (Maybe Tom Arnold?) Probably never did. Second, there's no point in flattering me anymore. It won't get you anywhere. I'm not rich, available, or sleazy. And anywhere it could get you wouldn't be a lot different than where you are now.

You might think that this is a rueful "Glory Days" type rumination, but I don't think it is. I was never comfortable with the comparisons, even then, because the flatterers seemed to be full of crap and I was always looking for the agenda. And just because things are different now doesn't mean I like them less.

A Non-Political Article That Talks About Lipstick and Pigs

While getting lunch today, I was listening to the radio, and a commercial came on that very nearly made me lose my appetite. It warrants a very brief description.

It started out with an answering machine picking up. "Sorry, we're not here. Or maybe we are. We're trying to figure out how to get out of debt and pay off our credit card bills." Blah blah blah.

And of course, the person leaving the message was from a debt counseling service who was promising painless debt remission or forgiveness or something.

So there I was -- agonizing over the idiocy of the commercial. Saying to myself "I could so do much better."

But, to be honest... How? The biggest reason I don't like the commercial, I think, is because I think that these services are a scam, preying on desperate people. How do you put lipstick on THAT pig*? How do you paint that turd gold?

Although I could probably be exceptional at ad copy, I could only do it for products that I believe in, and there are precious few of those. So, if your job is to write ad copy, are you really at liberty to pick and choose clients? Or do you just pick the ones that have the ability to write a check? I assume the latter. Especially when you're starting out.

Suddenly, I'm feeling sorry for the person who wrote this commercial. He/she's just trying to get to the end of the day with some minor shred of dignity left. Painting a bunch of turds so he/she can move up to the next level.

At least, that's what I hope. Not having ever done it, how can you know for sure?

* What's the over-under on the number of times that phrase gets used in the blogosphere in the next year? I'll take the over and the points.

An Open Letter to Ed Hochuli

Author’s Note: If you do not know who Ed Hochuli is, congratulate yourself for your well-balanced life. He is an NFL referee, noted for his fine physical fitness. This weekend, he became known also for a bad call in the Denver Broncos-San Diego Charges game that arguably cost the Chargers the game.

To: Ed Hochuli, NFL Referee
From: Posolxstvo, NFL Fan

Subject: Integrity

Dear Mr. Hochuli –

“It takes a great man to fail greatly.” I’m not sure where that’s from originally, but I think I read it in a Tom Clancy novel, and I am working from memory, so the wording may be inexact. I doubt that this will bring you any comfort, but that is part of why I am writing this. A base or low man would shrug off an error easily. The great man carries his guilt with him forever, continually punishing himself.

The fact is, you screwed up. You made a mistake. What that means is that you are human. But what defines you (or anyone) is not your mistakes, but how you respond to them. And I, for one, have been incredibly impressed with your response to your error. You have demonstrated contrition and remorse. In short, you have shown that you care. And that you take your responsibility seriously.

While it is true that one “oh crap” can wipe out a truckload of “attaboys,” one should not lose sight of the fact that all of those “attaboys” came for a reason. And that reason is integrity.

Your error does not indicate any moral failings on your part. Now, if it were ever to come to light that you had bet on the game, then it might. Likewise, if a visit to your rumpus room reveals an affinity for the Broncos, then that might as well. But I expect to win the lottery before something like that happens. (I should mention that I don’t play the lottery. That’s how confident I am.)

The bottom line is based on what I have seen of the mistake, and your response to it, you seem to have a healthy share of integrity, which I value highly. In this day and age, such demonstrations of integrity are needed.

Others may send you hate mail, call for your resignation, etc, but not I. I applaud you.

Sincerely,

- Posolxstvo the First

A Little Help Needed

Okay, a followup to an earlier post about Steelers fandom. In the end, cooler heads seem to have prevailed, and it looks like on Sunday at 4:15 PM, I will be on site, at Lincoln Financial Field to watch the latest episode of Steelers Clobber the Eagles...

So, here's the deal....

I really don't want to get my ass kicked. I also want to show team pride.

So, what's that best plan?

Do I:

a. throw caution to the wind and proudly wear my Steelers gear
b. bring a knapsack and put on my Steelers gear when I am in the stadium, and then take it back off before running the gauntlet back to my car
c. wear neutral clothes but cheer for my team anyway
d. say "thanks but no thanks" and watch on TV

Moe -- you're a fan - you seem to know what it's like in a hostile stadium - your advise is particularly sought.

"Your Mother Doesn't Live Here..."

Everytime I see a sign saying "Your mother doesn't live here. Clean up after yourselves!" or something similar, I have two reactions that I have as yet been successful in suppressing.

My first reaction is to think something like "Why would one assume that my mother would clean up after me?" Mom was not good at housekeeping. Working nights, living a life in a constant state of sleep deprivation, being a single parent of four kids - three of whom were unrepentant slobs (two of whom may still be), being a functioning alcoholic, and suffering from depression all conspired against her having any degree of success in that regard.

My second reaction is to want to go to my sister's house, get Mom's urn, place it next to the sign and pencil in -- "Yes, she does."

Pet Peeve Series #15: Old People (Who Think Life Owes Them Something)

Originally, I was just going to make the title of this article "Pet Peeve Series #15: Old People" but that would have been tremendously inaccurate. I love many, many old people. Some of my best friends are old. My Dad is old, and he's one of my favorite people I know.

What I don't like are the old people who go around with the attitude of "I've done my time. You can kiss my ass, whippersnapper." I run into these people all the time.

* On the roads. They drive however they want and at whatever speed they want. Inevitably they are still driving the same oversized luxury car they bought with the first fruits of their pension, way back when they retired however many years ago. These cars look pristine, except for the four corners which display a scary riot of bright paint colors scraped off other cars in parking lots. Guess what grampa - if you are too scared to go the &*&^$ speed limit, that's a sign! I don't care if you still think you still "have it." You don't. End of discussion. And I don't care how big your car is, stop taking up three parking spots. Those lines are painted there for a reason!

* In the grocery store. Particularly in the checkout lane. They debate the price of every item, have a coupon that needs to be explained in copious detail to the teenage checker who clearly doesn't give a crap, and ultimately have to fish through seven compartments of their change purses looking for exact change, unless they have a credit card but don't know how to use the automated credit card pad at the registers these days. And if you make the mistake of emitting an audible "sigh," they get this mysterious smile on their faces that says "Don't rush me sonny. I'm wearing socks older than you."

* At social gatherings. These are the ones who stand up just before the buffet table opens and announce "Now, families with young children, please let the adults through the line before you let your little monsters desecrate the table with their slimy rotten hands."

Pretty much anyone who demands or extorts respect in a manner like the actions described above probably does so because he/she does not receive any unextorted respect. Because he/she has not actually EARNED any.

Makes one wonder why....

When I am 80, if any of you see me acting like this, you have my permission to have my legs removed.

Things I Thought About Over the Weekend

On Saturday, I was proudly wearing my Steelers colors. I have many Steelers T-shirts, hats, pants, etc., and find that when I wear them, I will often have people come up to me who might ordinarily never speak to me. Out of some common allegiance to a sports team, I build friendships.

The first venue I was wearing my gear was a neighborhood block party. I don't want to shock or surprise any of you, but in general, I am not the type of guy who goes around meeting his neighbors. I am not the kind of guy who starts conversations with people I don't know, whether it is walking the dog or shopping at the grocery store, or anywhere. Mrs. P, on the other hand, knows everyone. And she's always trying to draw me out of my shell and introduce me to new people.

She does this because nothing gives her a charge quite like building relationships. So she finds people who have absolutely nothing in common and she takes it as a personal challenge to find their common ground.

At times, it can be quite exhausting, to tell the honest truth.

So, there I was at the neighborhood block party with about 25 people with whom I have nothing in common, save geography. And Mrs. P drags me to this person she met while walking the dog, and that other person she met while ... etc. And each time, it's like "Hey, Pos! Gary here once read a book about project management. You guys will have LOTS to talk about." And she leaves.

And I say, "Project Management?"

And he says, "Well, I never finished the book..."

Okay, so continuing with the use of our fictional pseudonym above, let's say Gary noticed my Steelers shirt. And he asks "Steelers fan?" And I say "Yes" and then he says "Me too. Huge fan!" Well, now that's something I can work with.

The trouble is, people like Gary say that they're huge fans, but inevitably they aren't. They own the shirts, but when you start talking about "What do you think their chances are this year?" you soon realize that they haven't put any thought into it, haven't watched a single game in years, and have no idea who most of the current personnel are.

They are making small talk.

And I don't really like to do small talk.

I like big talk. Talk about religion, philosophy, cosmology, philology, pathology, psychology, sociology -- I don't care. As long as it isn't "So, how long you think this heat's gonna last?"

Later that night, we were at another party (yes, ain't we just the happenin' party hoppin' couple) and once again, I was in a discussion with a woman who was claiming to be a bigger fan of the Steelers than I am.

"I have Steelers gear all over my laundry room," she says.

"Your laundry room? Why not the living room? How about the TV room?!"

"I have a picture of Franco Harris."

"Fine. Who's their starting tight end?"

"Ummmm, isn't that number 39?"

Okay, that's a bit unfair. Not everyone is a big old trivia maniac. Not everyone memorizes rosters. But I think that a real fan would. Especially a fan who is trying to claim to be a bigger fan than me, and therefore trying to snake my ticket to the Steelers-Eagles game this weekend....

The problem? The guy with the tickets is 45 years old. And he's a guy. And I may be a bigger Steelers fan, but she looks better in a jersey.

...

What? Why does everything have to have a point?

Bear vs Dog

Last weekend was my annual trek to the woods for what has I have referred to in the past as my hunting weekend without guns. We run away and do, in essence, whatever we want, without having to answer to wives or children or jobs or any of that.

There were 18 of us, in spite of the fact that the forecast was anything but clear. In fact, all day Saturday, it was a steady rainfall. But still, we managed to find ways to amuse ourselves. We had a ladderball tournament. Some guys went water skiing. I spent most of the day in the hot tub.

At the end of the day, though, I had enough "togetherness." And while the rest of the guys sat around watching college football and making abusive comments to each other, I snuck off to my bed and popped a movie on my laptop.

At that moment, I was desperately in need of some "me" time.

And it occurred to me -- I have often thought of myself as bearlike. And this is another one of those bearlike traits. Bears are typically solitary creatures, with a few common exceptions -- raising their young, mating, etc. This is not to say that I am an entirely solitary critter... I could never be an effective hermit because I do need some human interaction. But I also need my solitude too. It's about 50/50 for me.

Most of the other guys I was with on this weekend -- not so much. They seemed to totally crave each others' company. Which made them seem more like pack animals to me -- like dogs. Even the way they bicker and fight is reminiscint of the way dogs play with each other by biting, nipping, and horsing with each other.

If a bear and another bear are getting into it like this, it means only one thing -- and they are not playing...

Lemonade and Aggression

I have nothing against optimism. I consider myself a pretty "half full glass" sort of a guy. But there's always been something about that phrase "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade" that seems a bit too Pollyanna for me.

And tonight it dawned on me why.

To make lemonade, you need more than lemons. You need water too.

And sugar.

In my experience, when life is handing you lemons, very often the larder is experiencing an atypical dearth of sugar. And when someone cheerfully tells you "Just make lemonade" it brings into sharp relief just how little sugar you have. And how little you have at your disposal to trade for the necessary sugar.

So, unless you like lemonade that tastes like watered down lemon squeezings, and not much else, I'm not 100% sure that this expression is always so very comforting, regardless of how full or empty your glass is.

But I could be wrong.
----------------
In response to a recent article, the one about the sign posted above the john, it was implied that my posting of this sign was a passive-aggressive act.

And that got me thinking. About passivity. And aggression. And I wondered, when I have no idea who the culprit is, or when I have an inkling but don't want to single out and embarrass that person, what would have been a better course of action? Indeed, I don't know of any other.

And then I thought further.

Was I really being passive-aggressive? My understanding of what "passive-aggressive" means is a hostile action through deliberate inaction. My favorite example of this being the stereotype of the husband who deliberately does a bad job at housework knowing that his wife will never ask him to help with that chore again.

Or the 12 year old child who doesn't want to go to bed on time, so five minutes before bedtime suddenly remembers some homework he forgot to do...

And in truth, I don't think I'm actually all that passive-aggressive. Sometimes I am very active-aggressive -- like posting notes in toilets or arguing with my wife just because I'm itching for a scrap -- but I am not ever consciously or deliberately passive-aggressive.

Anyway, just wanted to set the record straight on the proper usage of that term.

We Need To Talk

Umm, so this is hard to say, and I guess there's no easy way to come out with it. Blog, you're great and all, but in the last couple of weeks, it's just been getting harder and harder to get up the energy that you seem to need on a regular basis.

No. No. It's not really you. Sorry to have given you that impression. Really it's me. I just don't have a lot of energy for anything -- I'm not reading. I'm not writing much. I'm not even watching many movies.

No, I'm not suggesting anything permanent. I think I just need a little freedom to just come and go as I please for a while. And yes, that means I will be coming by. Just not promising any regularity. Maybe you won't see me for a couple of weeks. Maybe you'll see me every day for a week. I just don't want to feel obligated to you. You know?

Of course I still love you. You're my first blog. You'll always be my first blog. And even though our relationship has changed, you're still also my favorite blog.

Hey, I've never made any bones about the fact that I have other blogs on the side. Don't get like this. And for the record, I'm blowing all of them off too. It just so happens that you're the only one I felt like I needed to talk it through with. That alone should say something. Don't you think?

Fine. Whatever. Be that way.

I'll be back. I don't know when. Probably in a couple days, now that we've had this talk and I won't feel like I HAVE to, you know?

Pet Peeve Series #14: Lack of Accountability

Sorry. No pet peeve this week. I know I kind of set a precendent, but I am out of town at noon tomorrow on my annual weekend in the woods doing whatever the heck I feel like doing, and have way too much that I need to get done before then.

Ciao.

Who's My Candidate?

I am:

• 41 (nearly)
• Middle class
• Caucasian
• Pro-choice, but have significant hopes that other more important choices are made that reduce the necessity of making that particular choice
• Barely Christian - trying to keep an open mind on that front but confronted with emprical science
• Fiscally conservative
• In favor of a smaller, reduced Federal Government in favor of stronger state governments
• Progressive on social issues
• In support of same sex marriage
• Anti-death penalty
• Pro Individual Accountability
• Tired of the doubletalk bullshit that passes for political speechwriting these days
• Owner of two "Japanese" cars due to poor quality in the last few "American" cars I have owned
• Pro line item veto
• Anti signing statement
• Against the aggression in the middle east
• Pro our fighting soldiers in the middle east
• Pro identifying alternative energy sources
• Anti growth for growth's sake
• Pro logic
• Anti drivel
• Pro rolling back executive authority to pre-W levels

So... Who?

Not asking you to do my thinking for me... Just mumbling.